Monday, July 9, 2018

The 241th Anniversary of the Beginning of World History

Alrighty ladies and gentlemÀnner,

Welcome back to this week’s edition of „Where in the Country is Elder Johnson“. Well, this week I was in just about only 2 places; the feels, and deep thought. Nah just messing, the two places I was in was Berlin (little city a bit north of us, you’ve probably never heard of it), and our home.


Why was I so much time in my home, you ask yourself? Online proselyting, baby. The Church announces missionary work 3, this time it’s all done inside your apartment 😎. Oh also my companion almost died from a sunburn blister, probably should mention that. From those of you who read / still remember my weekly from last week, I wrote about the legendary burning of the members of the Hof branch. Well heck diddly do y’all, I was underestimating when I said that any of us got it bad ooooo baby. It didn’t help that we sat again in the sun at beach volleyball on Monday, after which my companion put on socks potentially containing sand, just to rub against his already bad sunburn, which eventually turned into a half orange-sized blister near his ankle. This baby was a monster. Along with that, he had many smaller blisters along his legs and arms, needless to say, we weren’t going anywhere for a while.

yes,,,my friend,,,, the sun makes,,,,,orangeankle

Well as my friend lied on his death bed, a problem occurred. We needed to somehow get to Berlin in order to Tausch Persian style, but luckily we found a solution and I brought a different Elder up there with me and we went to the small cute little city of Berlin. Before that, we were eingegossen with the wonderful opportunity to eat from the greatest Döner in Germany, yes the legendary Babelsberg. It only gets better every time I go.

In berlin, we were able to Persianize the heck out of that place; taught a lesson to our good friend in LĂŒbeck, who is now aware of the 10 commandments and will do his best to follow them, and found a few potential Persian investigators, made an appointment out with an inactive Persian member who they’ve been trying to get back in contact with for quite the while and speaks lots of Farsi. We spoke with one man (he wasn’t German, no idea where he was from) who was convinced that God created us, trees and plants and animals, and left us in this world that Satan created to be led into Satan’s arms. He had some interesting ideas but as we were talking to him, I look over as an old lady is crossing the street, biffs it face first hardcore yelling, when an ambulance happened to be driving by at that exact moment and stops and helps her, ALL while this man is telling me that Christians are worshiping the wrong Jesus. It was truly wild, friends.

Personal Motto

Other than that, thank goodness for the 5 minute delay of our train that we raced, God Bless America, and the sisters almost got kidnapped this week, but you know all in a week’s work right? Speaking of America, we were blessed with a wonderful USA barbeque with the family we ate with yesterday, it was nice and patriotic.

Well my Herrschaften, I don’t have much more to say besides wear sunscreen and don’t ride your bike down concrete stairs, thanks you very much, have a good one, we’ll see you nex

you should’ve seen the sun after this fight

that’s what happens, boys and girls #12,10

Elder Johnson
Ludwigstrasse 52
95028 Hof

Monday, July 2, 2018

Nickelodeon announces Mr Krabs 2, and it’s me

So I’d love to begin these writings today with the expected, yet nevertheless unfortunate news that the German national soccer team choked majorly and got absolutely wrecked by South Korea, just plain unacceptable. Meme below for summary of Germany’s performance in the World Cup.

ANYWAYS other than all this nonsense, quite a good busy week was performinizationed by us. Allow me to giess you all a little bit ein of what we did this week. 

Tuesday, I was given the opportunity to once again to performanize the actionationing of Splitting companions and going with the legend Elder Dawson in Hof, which included me talking to an Iraqi speaking Persian (?), the weirdest accent I’ve ever heard—us getting roasted by some very angry German man for „being a cult“ and about every other rude thing you could imagine—and ending it with a classic game of get destroyed by Elder Johnson (aka basketball). We had a good time though, talked to some interesting people, got some potential legends, not too bad.

11-4 is there a hole in your glove boy?

It goes well by my Persian friend in LĂŒbeck, it helped a lot to have a native Persian speaking member there to help me during our lesson this week, but the investigator is still making great progress which is awesome. We had also the great privilege of attending the graduation of a few friends of ours we have made through Volleyball. If you want to try to imagine with me how a German graduation goes, think to yourself of a classic American graduation with hats and robes and throwing your hat up and the classic music, and then take all that and make a literal 100% opposite of it, and there you are, a German graduation. Not only fun, it was actually pretty cool, I enjoyed it. It was in the largest Catholic Church in Hof, decked out with a choir (who sang a Hercules song, dope), a few skits, and some somewhat inspirational speeches from some somewhat important people. The organ in that church is beautiful, just had to say it. It was really cool though to see how many of the people from the graduating class we knew and were friends with, and they were quite excited to see us there to support them.

the district

the district
Saturday was basically Dia de Los Muertos pt 2 for us here in Hof. I almost died helping a member move into a house on the 3rd floor, especially bringing the 200+ pound washing machine up, I swear that thing almost chopped my neck off. Wouldn’t recommend bringing a washing machine up 3 stories of stairs. BUT NEVERTHELESS I prevailed and we got that stupid machine up there and the other accompanying things that I had already found rather heavy. After this deathly service, we made our way over to the Untreusee, a large lake in Hof (the largest in fact), and had a ward activity there. The activity was great, grilled together, played sports, got to watch them all swim and enjoy themselves inside of the Satan-controlled waters, and had a really good time with one another. Oh, might I add the fact that God announced Sun 2 and this time we all die of sunburns, because basically everyone went out of that activity looking redder than the Rossman and Rewe signs combined. Even those of us who put on sunscreen often (most of us). But naja, the Germans just don’t understand what it’s like to be from Arizona where it’s just culture to always be sunburnt.

On Sunday, I got a new companion for the day. I can finally say I’ve served with a native German. After a long brainstorming session of how Elder Smartt can go to the baptism of a friend of the Arabic language in Plauen on Sunday morning while I attend our ward conference, because I have responsibilities to play the piano for the choir and for the meetings that I totally didn’t forget about until the day before, we came to the idea that I go as companions with President Merkel, the Branch President here in Hof, while Elder Smartt goes along with the Arabic speaker himself Elder Lorenzen and the Aussie to the baptism. It was a great time being companions with a German and with a man old enough to be my dad (but this man looks young enough to be my brother, no lie), being in the branch presidency temporarily, and having a good time. Church was great though, the choir sounded amazing, talks were great, and a new man walked in asking to learn more about our faith and learn English as well, and he doesn’t even seem crazy! So Sunday was a good day.

völkerschlachtdenkmal in Leipzig, pretty sick thing about destroying Napoleon or something like that

1-And it came to pass that in the past 7 day period the reign of President Christian Hans Fingerle came to an end. 2- And it came to pass that the same exact fetching day the reign of President Axel Leimar began. I’m excited for the new changes and to see what the new mission president is like. President Fingerle will be missed („sehen sie das?? Sehen sie das???!“).

Well I would like to close this novel with only one word to put you all in deep thought, bye 

Elder Johnson
Ludwigstrasse 52
95028 Hof